I wanted to separate this from my short little update.
I haven't been active on DA for a variety of reasons. After moving back to Texas for a job, I became incredibly busy while working at a 24/7 pharmacy. I moved out there alone and back in with my parents. The plan was that my fiance Josh would follow shortly after, but it never happened. We couldn't qualify to rent a home, or even an apartment. Lack of credit will do that to you-- not even bad credit, just lack of. It's so stupid.
And then not to mention my car finally hitting the bucket. I loved my Buick named Frank, and he had been in the family for 22 years (and little mileage, considering), but his engine fell out and it was to pricey a repair. I had to beg my Dad to cosign on a car for me (because I'm cosigned on our Honda as well, and they don't like you cosigned on two apparently? Even if you're already 3/4 paid off on the other? What?), which meant they couldn't cosign on a place to live. Tough choice, but not as tough as watching them haul away your beloved friend for a measly $148. Rest in Peace, dear Frank. May you be parted out and live on in other cars (because seriously, we placed everything).
As always, he managed to conjure up some good work right before he planned on moving, so he ended up staying behind. We were separated for over half a year, and let me tell you, that's really difficult after you've been living with each other for 6 years.
We've been trying to move back to Texas for a long time, because it's just so much better than Louisiana, in a lot of ways. It's nicer, better weather and it's cheaper. I'm from there personally, so my family and oldest friends are there (not that I don't have close friends in LA, I do!), but there are other reasons I wanted to move back.
My mother is dying of liver failure. After decades of severe alcohol abuse, she's finally hit the point where she will die. I put it bluntly, because it is a blunt situation, and it can't be ignored. Those who know me closely, know that my relationship has always been difficult with her, and it's always been because she was constantly drunk off of her skunk. But what can you do? You can tell someone they have a problem, but you can't make them fix it. I've had to endure knives being wielded in my face, and cast iron pots being thrown at me, over nothing. She has 20% liver function. She does not qualify for a transplant and she couldn't survive that if she did. She likely has about 2-3 years, IF she takes care of herself. Which she doesn't.
And this has really affected me, despite our rocky relationship. I mean, she's my MOTHER of all people. In the end, that still means something.
In addition to that, my sister has been diagnosed with a seizure disorder. I'm super close to my sister and this really hit hard. She's had a history of memory lapses and retention problems, as well as massive migraines for years. She really struggled in College with it, and despite all odds, was able to graduate in the top of her class. But she's been likely have 'mini-seizures' for years. We're lucky that we caught it early, because it hasn't progressed to the point of Grand Mal seizures.
But her meds aren't working. They've upped them, done tons of tests, and nothing has helped. She's endured MRI after MRI, CT scans, terrible meds that make her sick, going on medical leave (and losing her job), and she cannot drive anywhere until she is cleared. With me moving back, I worry for her, because I felt that no one else took her condition seriously. Our father even went as far to say that he didn't want her to have a procedure done at the house, because it's a little messy, and he's embarrassed.
Despite the fact that her meds aren't working and they can't up them without a 72-hour EEG test. You know, the meds that will save her live, that she CANNOT STOP TAKING UNTIL SHE DIES. But no, by all means, say SHE CAN'T HAVE IT.
My brother is also out of work do to severe nerve damage, 6 slipped discs in his back and constant pleurisy. With everyone in the house basically UNABLE to do anything, I took to making dinners, driving people around and to the hospitals, and such, on top of my job.
MY EXTREMELY STRESSFUL JOB as a pharmacy Tech at a 24/7 Walgreens, that literally ate up my life. People screamed at me all day long, I yelled at Insurance companies all day long, and I came home beat and battered and sore, only to endure it again the next day. I took the job because it paid far better, but I'll tell you, it doesn't pay enough.
So in short, I've been lonely, depressed and I can't even have an occasional beer in the house. My wedding plans are STILL on hold, after more than 4 years (because of the absorbent cost of my brother's divorce) and I feel all around like I just can't get my shit together. I managed to ALMOST get a really nice job at a printing press here in Baton Rouge, LA, but it didn't pan out in the end (we like you and want to hire you, but it'll have to wait....). And that was AFTER they basically offered me the position... I'm still hoping they'll offer it to me! I'm not mad, just disappointed in myself, I suppose.
So in the end, I took this internship for Josh. I didn't want to move back to Louisiana (even though I miss my peeps). I hate the weather here, my eczema is going to get far worse, and I'll constantly worry about my family. I will miss my best friend being 5 minutes away. But this could change the future, yeah? If I learn programming?
Who knows.
